omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
