textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
