Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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