the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
