Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
