Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
