I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
