last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
