I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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