well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
