I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
