dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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