im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
