dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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