he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
