i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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