It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
