fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
