why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
