I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
