We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
