so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
did you just send me my own nude
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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