she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
