I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
