You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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