My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
