and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
