i think my tv is drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
