I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
