good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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