Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
As shirtless as possible
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
