I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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whose ass print is on the piano?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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