I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
