FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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