remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
