somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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