also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you win again, gameday.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
