They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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