Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
