when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
