The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She is in my trunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
