My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this just has baby written all over it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
