Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
