she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
