I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
