I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
