he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everyone says I win the strip club
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
