he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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