He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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