Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
