I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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