Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
