im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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