You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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