She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
