Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
