I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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