I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
