What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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