a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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