I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
