watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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