Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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