:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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