I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
