I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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