There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
false alarm, still single
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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