the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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