you will always have a special place in my vag
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
