I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
only if we run a train.
done.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
