Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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