He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
