I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
