My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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