I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
