Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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