saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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