just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
