I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
