I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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