Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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